“MY BRAIN WAS IN FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT MODE”: ILONA PRESENTS HER SECOND COLLECTION PSYCHOSIS
With her latest collection PSYCHOSIS, designer Ilona candidly opens up about mental health and how a period in a psychiatric hospital changed her work forever
In Fitzgerald’s, iconic novel The Great Gatsby, the titular character of Jay Gatsby is presented as an idealistic and forceful character. An infinite optimist who in the pursuit of “the American Dream”, lacks any understanding of the word “compromise”.
Yet in his quest to enter the social circles of the elite, he never truly shakes the shackles of his past. While he fronts with the appearance of the upper classes, equipping his house with the furnishings of the upper one per cent, his history as a bootlegger remains a thinly veiled secret that forever threatens to bubble over the surface. His past—a spot even money cannot erase.
This reality that our past histories are what makes up our identities is something that designer Ilona Perla Marie-Claire knows only too well. In her second collection titled PSYCHOSIS, she explores the nature of mental health in a deeply personal autobiographical body of work. Inspired by her own experiences staying in a psychiatric hospital as a teenager, each design mirrors her emotions at the time. The collection reflects a period in which she felt “trapped in her own mind, sedated to stay alive. In absolute hell with no way out.”
PSYCHOSIS sees a new direction for the designer, experimenting with beautifully intricate designs that further cement the brand’s dedication to fine detail and high-quality garments. With a palette that incorporates pastel and lighter tones more than ever, Ilona evolves the brand’s identity and shows goths can be playful and fun too.
GATA was lucky enough to chat with the designer about her latest collection, touching on the therapeutic nature of creation and asking the question of whether trauma is something necessary in the pursuit of creating art.
GATA: Hi Ilona, thank you for talking to us again. What have you been up to since we last had a chat?
ILONA: Thank you for having me again! Honestly, I've been working this entire time. I'm literally always working.
GATA: You stated that the collection PSYCHOSIS was inspired by your own time staying in a psychiatric hospital as a teenager. Could you tell us about this experience?
ILONA: I had something really traumatic happen to me as a teenager, and had really bad PTSD. It was terrifying, I just stopped sleeping and eating and was afraid to even drink water. My brain was in fight-or-flight for so long that I went into a full state of psychosis. I couldn’t comprehend what people were saying when they were speaking to me, it felt like a different language. They sedated me for several weeks, and then I was able to regain cognitive function, but I really thought I would stay there forever. Physically and mentally.
GATA: Is there something that you learned from this period in your life? How did you overcome a state that you described as being “trapped in your own mind?”
ILONA: I’m still healing to this day but have come to realise that everything happens for a reason. I’ve learned to take things a day at a time, prioritise my wellbeing over anything else, set firm boundaries and surround myself with those who are my real friends.
GATA: Many artists often find that traumatic experiences can be the fuel that informs their work; if you didn’t have these difficult periods in your life, what kind of work do you think you would be creating today?
ILONA: I was having this conversation with a friend a few months ago and telling her “I wish I wasn't so mentally ill, I would be able to do much more with the brand” and she said something like “But it wouldn’t be you” and it really changed my perspective on it all. The illness and I come as a package deal. But to answer your question, I think my work would probably be really bland had I not gone through it all.
GATA: Do you feel like designing this collection was a cathartic process in some way?
ILONA: Definitely! Ironically, I was doing really well as I started to design the collection, then something really awful happened in my personal life, and I had a mental breakdown over the summer and almost didn’t put out the collection, so we had to cancel six looks. Sometimes I think about how the collection could have been much better, but I'm still happy with how it turned out considering the circumstances. I feel like I was able to fully process a lot of trauma from the past year by making this collection, and I’m grateful for it because I honestly almost didn’t survive it. I was such a mess but the amount of support I got from friends and family helped to make it a reality. My friends from different time zones set up schedules to call me so I would always have someone checking up on me at all times. Everyone came together to help, I’m forever grateful.
GATA: The collection features a lot of white and pastel tones; besides the obvious relation to nurse uniforms, is there a significance to these colour choices?
ILONA: I chose to distress and stain some pastel tones because I wanted to represent innocence, and abuse, but also because I was tired of being called a “goth designer" haha so I decided I would not include much black, I haven't been wearing as much black myself lately, I'm trying to be happy.
“I’m still healing to this day but have come to realise that everything happens for a reason.”
GATA: What was the process like for designing your second collection? Did you do anything differently from the first?
ILONA: It was a lot quicker than the first because I had help from my amazing assistants who really saved me. We didn’t sleep much in September. I also tried hard not to overthink it too much, and just get it done. I think also my attitude towards it all changed a lot. I’ve always been very selective with who I dress. And I honestly don’t care what people think about it. I get a lot of hateful messages about various things. People hate on anyone doing something different. They don’t even understand anything. Cancel culture is dumb. One of my friends recently said to me, “I'd rather be friends with a cancelled person than not.” If you’re not cancelled you’re not taking any risks. Everyone is so afraid in the industry. Just be yourself.
GATA: What does the future look like for ILONA, are there any plans that you can share with us?
ILONA: There are so many cool things coming out at the end of this year and early next year that I’m so excited about, but I really can’t share haha. Also definitely a third collection by the of end of 2025. Love you GATA! <3
Photographer: Jasonr Renaud
Designer: Ilona
Model: Zoe Zimsek
Makeup: Anna Kleimenova
Assistant: Maya Klingelschmidt